Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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