no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
