Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
