You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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