I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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