My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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