Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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