Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
