they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
