ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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