This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
