Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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