every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
