i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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