Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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