I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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