You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
