do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
