weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
