airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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