well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
