she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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