I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
