i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
