Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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