he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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