Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
