I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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