You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
