Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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