I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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