Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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