i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
