Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
