apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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