he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
