Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
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I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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