my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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