Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
