You're my little dorito
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
