i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
