Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
