Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
