I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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