omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
