If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
