A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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