a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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