Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people

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(630): View more from Illinois

My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

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(740): View more from Ohio

He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.

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(562): View more from California

So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.

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