He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
pray to the hookup gods
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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