How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
