a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
