This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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