I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sorry my hands just texted you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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