So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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