So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
