Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck