no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid