I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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