I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice