Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.