I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.