would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
it's great music for shaving your balls
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
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As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage