Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have fence marks all over my body
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
