it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
