Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
