so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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