either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
