I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
