Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
