if you like me you must not know who I am
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
