did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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