i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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