a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
