Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
