I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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