dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
