im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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