Ambien. No doubt about it.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
